Easy-to-process things feel truer, safer, and more appealing.
More quotesDraft, 9.05am:
“We are pleased to advise customers that implementation of the revised arrangement will commence shortly.”
Read aloud, 9.06am:
The sentence reaches “implementation” and runs out of oxygen. “Revised arrangement” sounds like a euphemism for moving the bins. “Commence” has arrived wearing a tie for a job “start” can do.
Draft, 9.12am:
“The new collection starts next week.”
Nothing profound happened. The mouth found what the eye had tolerated: four nouns where a person and a verb should be.
David Abbott used the same test while writing copy. Sinatra read lyrics aloud to find breath, emphasis and conversational delivery. Neither was trying to make every line casual. They were listening for whether written language could survive becoming sound.
Some long sentences pass beautifully. Some technical words are exact. A contract should hardly sound like somebody ordering crisps. The test diagnoses strain; it does not demand mateyness.
Playback is crueller. While reading, intention supplies rhythm that may be absent from the words. The recording keeps only what another person receives.
The test catches status anxiety too. Writers reach for “utilise”, “facilitate” and “solutions” when the plain word feels insufficiently employed. Spoken at normal volume, the disguise becomes audible. A sentence can almost be heard checking whether senior management is watching.
9.16am: the first version remains in tracked changes. Its author says it sounds more professional.
9.20am: the shorter sentence is approved.