Thoughts and feelings following behaviour rather than the other way round

Eighteenth-century American polymath and politician Benjamin Franklin was once eager to gain the cooperation of a difficult and apathetic member of the Pennsylvania state legislature. Rather than spend his time bowing and scraping to the man, Franklin decided on a completely different course of action. He knew this person had a copy of a rare and unusual book in his private library, and so Franklin asked whether he might borrow it for a couple of days. The man agreed and, according to Franklin, ‘When we next met in the House, he spoke to me (which he had never done before), and with great civility; and he ever after manifested a readiness to serve me on all occasions.’ ‘He that has once done you a kindness will be more ready to do you another’ than he whom you yourself have obliged. In other words, to increase the likelihood of someone liking you, get them to do you a favour. A century later, Russian novelist Leo Tolstoy appeared to agree: ‘We do not love people so much for the good they have done us, as for the good we do them.’

Want somebody to care? Stop giving them another speech about why they should care. Give them a small, honest piece of the thing to shape.

Franklin’s manoeuvre sounds backwards because persuasion decks are built on a tidy sequence: change belief, then change behaviour. Humans are less cooperative. A sceptical colleague asked to improve a draft can become more invested than one shown the polished answer. A trial user who imports real data has begun fitting the product into their working life. The new community member who helps arrange one event owns a sliver of what happens next.

Action leaves evidence inside the actor: I contributed to this, therefore perhaps this matters to me. That is far stickier than nodding through slide 47 on stakeholder engagement.

Obviously, this can become manipulative rubbish. “Give them ownership” is often management dialect for “make them do unpaid work after the decision has already been made”. The contribution must be real, proportionate and capable of changing something. Fake agency produces perfectly genuine resentment.

When enthusiasm is missing but resistance is low, I would offer a modest act rather than demand an abstract conversion: choose, edit, test, recommend, configure. Do not ask people to believe the cathedral speech. Hand them one brick and let their judgement leave a mark on it.